Today I have memorized such a great feeling.... I can't remember when I was so happy before. You know, it may sound silly, but I collected it by... talking in English... I forgot so much about that understanding... It was a long time ago, when I was really talking in English... Not just plain phrases, but the real English. We were talking like equal. Do you know, how that feels? Can you guess, what does is it mean to me? We have been talking, correcting each other's pronunciation, grammar and vocabulary... It's just an unspeakable feeling... In that half an hour I have had such a wonderful feeling of real freedom. That experience can be compared only to a real fly, a fly of the soul that takes you far away from your problems, your materialistic thoughts.

I know that in 99% you aren't able to understand, but... I believe that you are able to feel that way as well. As well as I suppose you think it’s so silly and unreasonable, but… there’s no way I may deny that realization to myself. And I’ll try to explain it more clearly. There’s always at least one thing in that world that can make you smile and make your heart beat faster with joy. And then you may feel it, you may remember it. And in that exact moment you may feel like you are able to do everything you want, like you are the only person on this damned perfect planet who is that happy and glad, that he lives!, and whatever else in that way. As for me that certain thing is speaking in English, practicing it every possible moment.

I just forgot the way it feels… the way I felt it long ago… in the time when I was at the best of my abilities of practicing English… That time was the 1st semester of 9 grade. Yeah, it was so long ago and so far away in my mind, that I completely forgot about it and about the person who I was then.

Now there’s great difference between us and that can’t be undone… but I’ll do everything I can to rehabilitate it, to regain that power of joy of life. I just want it, I just need it.